Ask the question like you want to know the answer

If you’re in a setting where asking about suicide is part of a protocol, some people you seek to support may think you’re asking because you have to, not because you care — even though you really do!

Other people will hold back because they’re concerned about what you will do in response to what they share. 

So how can you ask a required question in a way that conveys genuine concern & builds trust?

Three ideas:

1. Ask permission. And mean it. You can say something like: “I have some questions I’d like to ask you about suicide – would you feel comfortable with that?” 
2. Show you’re interested with your non-verbals. Take your hand off the mouse, look directly at the person, make sensitive eye contact, and speak slowly. Important disclaimer: this might not be appropriate for all cultures, age groups, and people. Your cultural context may require a different approach to show attention and care.
3. Communicate with the goal of understanding. Nobody likes to be screened or assessed or judged, certainly not risk-assessed!  But most of us want to be understood. “I have some questions I’d like to ask you about suicide because I really want to understand how you feel and what you think about.” or  “These are questions our team has found helpful for understanding what a person’s thoughts about suicide involve.”